Day 36 positiveness

This particular quote struck a cord with me today. 6 years ago to this day I had just had a week pass after I suffered a miscarriage. I never thought I could feel so miserable in my life but there it was.

I didn’t feel like anything could get better. And it didn’t, not for the next few months at least. I had gone back to work around this time. I did my job, I smiled with the children I looked after, but to be honest I got to a point where I was numb to everything. I felt like I couldn’t feel, and my partner at the time went on as normal. (or what felt like it)

I think what made the experience so traumatic was that I felt so alone. He didn’t come with me to the hospital. Or come see me. People I thought would be there were not there and because of this, I didn’t reach out to others cos well, what was the point?

It was a very dark time in my life, this was the first look I got into living with depression.

It took me a long time but, with support from my closest friends, disconnecting myself with negativity, a few sessions of counselling and also getting myself motivated as best as I could, whether it was a split second of it, I got through it.

I am very proud of myself.

The whole experience was something that filled me with fear every day. But, as time has gone on and as I have grown older, it scares me less and less. Sure, I get moments where things feel a bit overwhelming and I suppose in some way I feel a bit stunted in my emotions and feel I can’t express them the way I used to.

But its shown me to not give up. It took me so long to love my books again, my favourite place to get away. It has been a year now since I got that back. It has also shown me I should never take anything less than what I deserve. I didn’t deserve to be left alone. I didn’t deserve to suffer alone. But I know my value.

Because of this I am much more confident and thrive on taking on challenges, instead of hiding.

Like everyone else that has gone through a traumatic experience. You deserve everything and more. You should be proud of yourself. For being here today. 😊

Much love,

Gemma x

Day 31 & 32/365 positiveness

Hey everyone! Missed the positive day yesterday, but I was very happy and merry at a wedding of one of my dear friends. It was lovely to see her get married to her best friend, but also spend time with people that I love.

Blurry, but a cracking moment where everything was just hilarious with the husband 😂

A lot of positiveness going on currently 😊

Now it is February 1st! It felt like January went on forever, yet quick at the same time. (how on earth does that work??)

I have had a mixture of feeling positive and negative in January but feel the positive vibe was around a lot more. Here’s to a good and great Feb!

Oooo different picture!

Thirty things before I am 30!

Well, this year I am 30! Eeeeek! So in response to that I decided to think of 30 things I could do before the big 3 0.

It was inspired by one of my friends last year when she turned 30 but I’m going to go a bit more specific 😊.

It took quite a lot of time to think of thirty things, It is my birthday in November, so I’ve had a few months already to think about it. I have FINALLY decided on my things.

The ones I have chosen mainly consist of challenging myself, but also gain experience from. Some are to experience with my favourite people, and some are just for me. It is also about becoming a healthier me, whether that’s physically or emotionally.

My main word to live by this year is challenge. I have progressively done this over the years and in doing so has built up my confidence. This year especially will be a challenging one for me.

1. Take a self defense class

2. Learn sign language

3. Go on holiday abroad with Dan (my lovely husband, we’ve never been abroad together!)

4. Learn to ice skate (tha last time I ice skated was when I was 19, before my fall where I completely tore a ligament in my knee, yowch!)

5. Pass my driving test. Eek! I feel I am close at this point.

6. Make an item of clothing.

7. Learn a full song on the guitar.

8. Successfully grow a fruit or vegetable plant.

9. Book a holiday away for Christmas.

10. Host a charity event.

11. Skinny dip. (this was more my cousins idea, but I’ll attempt the dare 😂 maybe alone though.)

12. Go on a road trip.

13. Make your own sweets.

14. Go vegan for a week.

15. Wear more yellow/colours.

16. Walk on hadrians wall.

17. Make a foreign dish from scratch.

18. Go to a masquerade ball.

19. Burlesque class.

20. Visit a waterfall.

21. Make something unaided for the house or to sell.

22. Watch the sunrise at the beach.

23. Visit a haunted location.

24. Make homemade wine.

25. Make a candle.

26. Go to a new music festival.

27. Harry Potter tour in London.

28. Do a 10k run.

29. Go glamping.

30. Take a dance class. (admittedly, I’ve accidently put self defense class twice on my 30 things board, but my colouring took forever 😂. Plus it looks pretty.)

Many of these things I thought of I thought to be doable, but did put a few things on here that did require a fair amount of money, so the challenge will be saving money for these things!

The holiday and festival not a problem, but the road trip and hadrians wall may need more motivation. As for the making an item of clothing, well, last time I made something I was 14 and in my textiles class and made half a bag 😂. So we shall see how that goes down 😋.

Here’s to 2019, the last year in my 20s!

Baking: great for well being!

This evening me and my friend Aimz decided it would be good to do some baking. We had so many choices but in the end we chose to do vanilla cupcakes with ginger and cinnamon butter icing. NOM.

Having some catch up time with your friends and doing something productive, using your hands seems to help my mental well being. I was feeling a little sluggish earlier on and spent all my morning cleaning (booooo) but then I got to do Something enjoyable with my friend.

They look so pretty! And glad I didn’t burn anything, although my husband somehow set the toaster on fire. Good 😂.