Day 36 positiveness

This particular quote struck a cord with me today. 6 years ago to this day I had just had a week pass after I suffered a miscarriage. I never thought I could feel so miserable in my life but there it was.

I didn’t feel like anything could get better. And it didn’t, not for the next few months at least. I had gone back to work around this time. I did my job, I smiled with the children I looked after, but to be honest I got to a point where I was numb to everything. I felt like I couldn’t feel, and my partner at the time went on as normal. (or what felt like it)

I think what made the experience so traumatic was that I felt so alone. He didn’t come with me to the hospital. Or come see me. People I thought would be there were not there and because of this, I didn’t reach out to others cos well, what was the point?

It was a very dark time in my life, this was the first look I got into living with depression.

It took me a long time but, with support from my closest friends, disconnecting myself with negativity, a few sessions of counselling and also getting myself motivated as best as I could, whether it was a split second of it, I got through it.

I am very proud of myself.

The whole experience was something that filled me with fear every day. But, as time has gone on and as I have grown older, it scares me less and less. Sure, I get moments where things feel a bit overwhelming and I suppose in some way I feel a bit stunted in my emotions and feel I can’t express them the way I used to.

But its shown me to not give up. It took me so long to love my books again, my favourite place to get away. It has been a year now since I got that back. It has also shown me I should never take anything less than what I deserve. I didn’t deserve to be left alone. I didn’t deserve to suffer alone. But I know my value.

Because of this I am much more confident and thrive on taking on challenges, instead of hiding.

Like everyone else that has gone through a traumatic experience. You deserve everything and more. You should be proud of yourself. For being here today. 😊

Much love,

Gemma x

Growing your own veg

Until this year, I had never heard of or even eaten a squash. I’d see pumpkins every year at Halloween and my mum would let me and my brother carve a pumpkin (but then the inside would just be chucked in the bin!! Eeekk) but we never really ate pumpkins or Butternut squash.

I have a food phobia which has got better with age and patience but anything with a slightly different texture when I was younger (basically, vegetables) I would of refused to eat or even cry about it.

I work with children and children need encouragement, so when I worked in a nursery 6 years ago we would eat the cooked meals with the children to encourage them to eat their veggies. I remember eating cabbage and absolutely hating it, but wanting to continue so that the children would eat too. Mostly it worked! I also started to get past the oh my god this texture is alien to me stage, to thinking about the taste and how good it is for you.

I’m proud to say I eat most vegetables now (yay!) and will at least try something once or twice. Mushrooms and cabbage though, I can not get along with but you can’t like everything. I still have my moments and will refuse to eat something, particularly when I’m feeling anxious but I’m happy to say squash is something I particularly like!

I never knew you could get so many varieties of squash! And even better, my husband started growing it on our allotment this year. The best thing about them is if not pierced or broken they last for MONTHS in the cupboard! They also can get very large so will give you more.

They are quite thick skinned so you have to be patient with cutting them up and scooping the seeds out, but they are worth it once cooked 😍. We’ve made a variety of things; from a squash lasagne, squash mac and cheese and even a stew. Even roasted with just a little bit of oil they are quite yummy. The best thing about squash is that the squash plant yield LOADS on one plant alone, so you gather many a squash which you can use throughout the year.

The squash has a kind of meaty texture to it so we have reduced our intake of meat a lot, from having meat practically every day to twice or three times a week. Squash is a better alternative for us, plus its better for the ol acid reflux too! I look forward to growing many a squash next year and intend to help as much as I can!

From left to right:

Courgette, honey boat squash (NOM), kabocha squash, Red kuri and turks turban squash.

On our journey to becoming more. Eco friendly and zero waste, this is a step in the right direction. If you have the space to do so, I would definately suggest squash as a great thing to grow.

If you have any suggestions of Other great things to grow then please let me know 😊.

Happy blogging

Gemz